#60 Finding Strength in Pain
The agony of unacknowledged pain holds you back more than you think.
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA.
The truth is lately, I’ve been feeling lost and also too comfortable.
It’s funny how too much stress can damage you.
At the same time, too little stress makes you too comfortable and complacent.
It about finding the balance of having enough stress that pushes, challenges you and not enough to destroy your brain.
I may be a therapist but I’m also human.
I’m not afraid to own it when I need to.
Especially when it benefits those of you who are reading along.
Anyone who experience lows understand how hard it is to mentally and physically pull yourself out of the dark times.
But as long as we are alive and kicking, anything is possible.
Change is also possible.
Sometimes, we need to get the fuck out of heads and of our own way and make shit happen.
Sometimes, we need to be kind and compassionate towards our burnout, tired selves.
Sometimes, we need to take a break before we come back stronger.
It’s all about balance.
And just because you get advice on a certain topic, it doesn’t mean you will be able to fully understand it.
Because most of the time in life, experience is the ONLY and your BEST teacher.
Think about it…
You don’t understand how painful breakups are until you experience it.
You don’t understand how painful it is until you lose someone to death.
You don’t understand how painful an injury is until you experience debilitating pain that prevent you from doing basic, mundane activities that you usually took for granted.
You don’t appreciate health and your functional body until you can’t anymore.
You don’t understand how hard it is to walk away from something or someone until you finally decide you can’t take it anymore and that you have to start priortizing yourself.
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I recently strained my back and it’s been a painful few weeks, but it also gave me a glimpse into the life of people who experience and live with chronic pain on a daily basis….
When life goes to shit, it is all about your MENTAL STRENGTH.
YOUR MENTAL DIALOGUE, HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF, HOW YOU SEE THE WORLD, HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF WHEN YOU’RE INJURED/HURT/SAD.
We may be different individuals and adversity affects us all in different ways.
BUT IT REALLY COMES DOWN TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF.
So make sure it’s a good one.
Start here.
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This minor back joint strain… gave me a glimpse of what my mum experiences everyday after her spinal surgery, and it gave me an entirely new perspective.
It gave me more compassion, patience, understanding towards myself and my body and most importantly, towards her.
Because what I experience is nothing compared to what she experiences everyday.
It made me more grateful for and of my health, my body and my mind.
The amount of things our body endures on a daily basis is insurmountable, don’t forget that.
Sometimes, life feels hopeless.
Sometimes, you feel restless.
Sometimes, you feel like your life isn’t going anywhere.
Sometimes, you feel shit.
That’s all normal and completely okay.
Feel what you need to, accept it and continue to move forward.
Don’t fight your own emotions.
They are there for a reason.
Sometimes, you need to accept it and acknowledge it and wait long enough for the tides to turn.
Because life isn’t always 100%, nothing and no-one can be.
It’s impossible.
But what IS important, is that you remember you have yourself, you have your health and that you are surrounded by people who love you.
And I encourage you to remember, even though we haven’t gotten to where we want to go in life, never underestimate and under-appreciate what you have now.
Sometimes we don’t get what we want is because we're not mentally ready for it yet.
Wrong place, wrong time. Or perfect timing and perfect opportunity.
And sometimes it’s the universe’s way of shielding you from something that is actually bad for you, and it comes to you in the form of rejection.
I’m a believer that life will keep giving you the same lesson until you learn it, the lesson may come to you in the form of a person or a situation.
And it will repeat until you step back, see what it’s trying to teach you and learn from it and do better.
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If you want to learn to be brave, the universe will give you an opportunity to step up and step out of your comfort zone to do the brave thing.
In that moment, it’s up to you to see that opportunity and take it.
I remember hearing a story where a man stranded on an island kept wishing someone would come to his rescue.
When a sailor came to him on a boat and offered to save him, he declined said I’m waiting for someone else, of a “higher status” to rescue me.
Then a fishermen came to him and offered to help, he declined again.
Eventually, he ended up dying because he didn’t accept help.
Don’t be like this man and miss out opportunities that are right in front of you.
You need to take the leap for things to change.
**
This joint back strain is probably my 4th injury and I’ve come a long way since my first sports injury.
My first one was in 2020, and I remember being in a complete mess and wreck.
I hated the world, I hated myself and I hated my body for the pain and what it could not do.
I pushed everyone away and resented myself and them for it.
It was terrible. I wish I sought up help back then, but then again, this experience has shaped me into the person & therapist I am today so what can I say….
You can read or listen to it here.
Now, I’m at complete peace with my pain, what I cannot do (for the time being) and accept that my body needs time to heal and recover.
Because I’d rather learn to love, accept, be patient with myself than hate myself for the pain and what I cannot do everytime I get hurt.
It’s more sustainable, it’s less self critical.
More self accepting.
Experience enough pain and hardships in life, you will slowly understand the key to it all is…
Accepting yourself with where you are at.
And know that you have what it takes to get to where you want to go.
It may take longer time, and it may be a different route, journey.
But as long as you are working towards your dreams and goals, it doesn’t matter if it takes longer.
Everyone’s journey is different, remember what hardships are trying to teach you on the way and become the best version of yourself.
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That’s it for this newsletter.
Thanks for reading along to #60.
Hope you enjoyed this letter.
Let’s end 2024 with a bang, get started here with your self improvement journey if you have been thinking about it.
Here’s a discount code, SELFIMPROVEMENT, ($15 off), if you want to book in your session, expires November 30th, 2024.
Watch my recent podcast episode on Navigating your relationship with your Asian Parents here.
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