#67 Closure & Apologies
Why overdue apologies feel daunting.
We all make mistakes in life.
But just because you grow and learn through them doesn’t make them any less painful.
Prior to becoming a therapist, a business owner, founder, I used to be a very fearful, avoidant, anxious person.
I used to suck at communication.
I used to be passive aggressive.
I used to play the silent treatment game.
I used to mirror people’s shitty behavior back to them.
And it sucked.
As a result of me being unaware of this pattern and lack of total self-awareness, I’ve hurt people close to me.
I’m not proud of who I was.
But back then, I didn’t have the tools, confidence or skills to handle difficult conversations.
(Which is a pre-requisite to any meaningful lasting relationship/friendship.)
Especially the meaningful ones, like who should I date, who shouldn’t I date, why I didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore, how to say no.
You get the point.
Upon going to therapy to understand myself better back in 2022…
And challenging the family status quo and improving my communication & relationship with my mum back in 2022, it really did heal a lot of my fears and traumas around speaking up for myself.
You can read about it here or watch my interview with SBS Insight here.
I teach people how to have better communication and have better relationships here.
It made me realize, that things really do need to be talked out.
It also made me realize that I can apologize to people I’ve hurt, even if it’s overdued.
Even if it’s been years and they probably don’t care anymore.
Why?
Because it’s not just for them.
It’s for you.
It’s for myself.
It’s my way of speaking my peace.
It’s my way of owning up to my own fuckups.
It’s my way of trying to atone, make amends and to acknowledge the impact of my actions.
It’s my way of overcoming my greatest fear, to confront and to genuinely apologize to those I’ve hurt.
It’s my way of closing that chapter, however painful it was, and to make peace with it.
To know that I did all I can do to atone, even if nothing can be changed.
To at least let them know I’m sorry, that I’ve learned, that I will be a better person because of this despite the pain I’ve caused them.
Think about it this way.
If someone hurt you, on a subconsious or very much conscious level, it probably still hurts and stings you whenever their name comes up.
Or when you think of them.
If they had the guts (or shall I say courage) to write you a text/email, saying they are truly sorry for what they did, the hurt they caused you…
What would you make of it?
You’d probably feel good wouldn’t you?
You’d probably appreciate the apology.
And may even feel validated and seen by them no matter how shit the situation or the hurt was.
I know I would.
****
Apologies, you see.. are a form of validation.
It’s a form of acknowledgement.
It’s being seen by the other person.
The power in an apology, no matter how overdue it is, shows you’ve reflected on yourself.
Sure, the people we have hurt may not want anything to do with us anymore (depending on the context).
But at least we have made it better with acknowledging the role we played in it.
It doesn’t “solve” or “remove” the hurt.
So not a lot of people do this.
It’s not a must.
But I’ve found that it helps me and it gives me peace.
It helps me be better and grow.
It makes me unafraid to own up to my mistakes.
It makes me unafraid to have difficult conversations.
Because if I can do this, I can handle other conversations.
****
I recently reached out to someone who I know I have (unintentionally) hurt with my lack of communication skills back then.
I didn’t expect a response, but it felt good to hit send.
Because I did the thing I was most afraid of.
I feared that they wouldn’t care or get angry.
But at the same time, what matters most to me is that I learn, grow and become a better person from these experiences.
So don’t be afraid to apologize if you’ve fucked up.
Don’t be afraid to own up to it.
Don’t be afraid to accept it.
Because once you truly accept yourself, the good and the bad.
Noone can hold power over you for your mistakes.
It’s part of Self improvement.
It’s part of being the best version of yourself.
When you grow and improve yourself, it improves you relationships with people.
That’s it for this newsletter.
Hope you enjoyed this letter.
****
✨ Additional Resources For You: ✨
🌍 If you're ready to dismantle cultural barriers in your limiting beliefs so you can be the best version of yourself, I'm here to help you.
🌍Want to book Eunice for your next corporate workshops, enquire here.
🌍Not ready for therapy yet? If you are ready to be challenged and want to rewire your limiting beliefs, get started with Attack The Roots Of Your Patterns here.
🌍Follow our Podcast Eunice.Co on spotify here.
🌍Follow us on insta here.