#64 Demystifying Men's Mental Health
Redefining masculinity through self improvement tips.
I’ve come to love working with men more as I take on more male clients.
Because it’s fun.
I enjoy getting a glimpse into how men think and how they approach situations compared to women.
In this letter, I will be uncovering my three observations around working with male clients that hinders men’s mental health.
And most importantly, their relationships.
Because communication makes or breaks relationships at the end of the day, whether you like to admit it or not.
What I’ve realized from working with men in therapy is that they tend:
Jump into problem solving mode in therapy
Not elaborating enough on their communication (thoughts, feelings, opinions, perspective)
Not addressing the impact of an argument and articulating their thoughts & feelings around the issue to “repair” the relationship
****
Don’t get me wrong, proactiveness in seeking for solutions is an excellent trait to have.
Women love that.
I certainly do.
But not if that’s your only to-go to answer for everything.
Not if your unable to acknowledge and validate the other person’s perspective.
E.g. “I can see why you would feel that way, I would too.”
The biggest problem to jumping to solutions is that, it makes you overlook the emotional aspect of the conversation you’re having with the other person.
Which can leave the other person feeling, unseen, invalidated and dismissed.
Even if it wasn’t your intention.
Sometimes, it can come across as hurtful when you give unsolicited advice.
Because let’s be honest, no-one likes to feel like they’re not good enough.
Sometimes, we know what the answer is, but we need time to accept it.
Sometimes, we need time to figure out the answer.
Sometimes, we need the freedom and space to explore and fail and learn.
But if that is stripped, it takes away our autonomy.
Therefore, the importance of slowing down, zooming out from the immediate solution and really listening to the other person during a conversation is the greatest gift we can give to our loved ones.
Sometimes, we simply need someone to really, hear and see us.
Another observation is that, many times, male clients underestimate the importance of elaborating their thoughts, feelings when making a point.
For example, sometimes when my brother communicates with my mum, he would give brief and concise sentences.
Which leaves my mum wondering if she may be annoying him with the way she communicates.
In what she interpreted as potential “rejection”, she withdrew and said, “I dont want to bother you if you’re busy, talk to you when you are free.”
Only to find out that my brother was actually making pizza while texting my mum.
He then said, “Oh no, Im free. I was just rolling the dough.”
She then said “Oh, I didn’t know. Tell me that next time, I just assumed you were busy because you sounded annoyed.”
And that, is why, sometimes, elaborating on a point in a conversations goes a long way.
I once stopped reaching out to a friend because I never got any replies whenever I reached out.
In what I interpreted as “rejection”, I stopped reaching out.
But never once did I make the ask to see why that was.
Never once did I address the elephant in the room.
Until one day, I reached out to congratulate them on their recent success.
And also told them in a transparent way of why Ive gone missing in our friendship.
You can watch it here from 20:42 - 22:46.
That is why ELABORATING and CONTEXTUALIZING IS so important in communication & relationships.
At the end of the day, we are not mind readers.
We can’t predict what the other person is thinking.
As functional, healthy, healing adults, it is your job to communicate and articulate if something is upsetting you.
It is your job to make the ask.
Ask for your needs to be met.
Ask for more than the bare minimum.
Ask them out on a date.
Ask if you can get a business class upgrade.
Ask if they want comfort or solutions.
Ask if they want to be your girlfriend.
Ask for an opportunity.
Ask the recruiter to meet your salary expectations.
It all comes down to having the courage and ask.
The worst thing that can happen is they say no.
But at least you know where you stand.
At least you get a chance to be redirected to something or someone else.
Failure is not final.
It is a gift.
Gift of redirection.
Gift of fuel.
Reframe your thinking.
Finally, another pattern I’ve observed, is the lack of “repair” when disagreements happen between loved ones.
What I mean by repair is make up.
Like a couple make up after they argue with a kiss.
Or making up with apologizing for overreacting, whatever the context was.
That’s “repair”.
The worst thing is not repair the relationship once it happens.
Some people retreat to silent treatment, some retreat to sweeping it under the rug and play pretend.
But when you do that, it actually hurts the relationship more.
Because it feels invalidating.
It feels like you are denying them the right to be angry.
It feels like the conflict didn’t exist.
And sometimes, when people retreat to silence or play pretend.
It almost feels like the love is gone.
Even if you know its not.
Because when you argue with your love ones, the love is still there.
Simply it is you and them against the problem.
Never you against them.
Read that again.
But many people get so caught up in trying to “WIN” the argument, that they end up losing their partner.
You see, relationships is about both equal parties contributing.
Both people have their right to express themselves.
Both people work together to stay together.
Also because they want to.
So don’t see them as the enemy when you argue.
See them as an equal of how you two can resolve the problem TOGETHER.
****
That’s it for this newsletter.
Hope you enjoyed this new topic.
It’s a new year and Im feeling adventours in content ideas.
Comment down below if there are topics you’d like to me address :)
*****
✨ Additional Resources For You: ✨
🌍 If you're ready to dismantle cultural barriers in your limiting beliefs so you can be the best version of yourself, I'm here to help you.
🌍Want to book Eunice for your next corporate workshops, enquire here.
🌍Not ready for therapy yet? If you are ready to be challenged and want to rewire your limiting beliefs, get started with Attack The Roots Of Your Patterns here.
🌍Follow our Podcast Eunice.Co on spotify here.
🌍Follow us on insta here.