#62 What hurts you, comforts you.
Don’t go back for more when there is only less.
Don’t go back for more when there is only less.
That is the pattern we all strive towards changing.
In situation-ships, where you find yourself longing for the chase for attention and affection and get a dose of euphoria when they finally respond.
In relationships, where you keep tolerating and enabling the bare minimum because, if often feels like having something is better than having nothing.
In handling & resolving conflict with loved ones, whether its your parents or your partner, you keep running away from the truth because you’re terrified of how they would react and feel… and you feel responsible for their emotions.
It’s exhausting, isnt it?
It’s bad but not bad enough that it will make you leave.
Or it’s good enough that it will only satiate you momentarily.
Because my friends, comfort is a drug.
Especially your comfort zone.
Ultimately, I want you to think of your life as a science experiment.
Experiments require many test runs before getting to your desired outcome.
Because when you frame it like this, it longer feels personal, when and if you make a mistake and fail.
It’s the mistakes and failures that make you who you are.
They help you become more resilient.
They give you clarity as to what you want to do and change moving forward.
They become stepping stones to who you want to become.
To working towards the best version of yourself.
*****
The reason why things that hurt you, comfort you…is because the sense of familiarity.
What is known to you, is your normal.
It’s what you’re exposed to.
There’s a sense of security and safety within the known.
You cling onto it because it makes you feel safe, loved, seen and understood.
And until you’ve been exposed, taught, or seen another way, you won’t know its possible.
In moments of distress, we often default to the mindset of having something, someone, is better than having nothing at all.
It’s this very problematic scarcity mindset that often traps us into settling for the bare minimum.
Or tolerating and enabling bad behaviour because we don’t want to lose what we have.
But what I want to tell you and remind you is…
There are many times in life, where it’s actually better to have nothing, noone than to have someone who makes you feel like shit.
It’s better to be alone than to have someone who isn’t truly supportive and is pining for you to fail.
It’s better to have no support than to have support that feels disingenuous.
It’s actually better to go alone than to go with someone who is not 100% in.
It’s actually better to do it alone than to wait for someone else to be ready.
It’s actually transformative to learn to enjoy, love your own company than to resent the company you are with.
True courage is found within knowing when to leave.
From letting go.
And sometimes, by letting people be.
Just because you can’t control others.
Only yourself and how you want to respond to the situation.
That is true acceptance of what you can control vs what you cannot.
****
In Asian cultures, it is often glamorized you should stick it out no matter what.
Even when it’s clear that letting go would be a better option.
Leaving things and people behind who no longer serve you.
Because it either drains you or it is no longer align with who you are and who you want to be.
So here is a reminder, to not let this “glamorized, societally and culturally conditioned” mindset to hold you hostage.
Break free from it and reframe with the statements above and start living.
Break free from it and learn to be brave.
Your courage is all found within YOURSELF.
Not from someone else telling you you’re good enough.
Not from someone giving you the blue tick.
Or green tick.
BUT FROM YOU.
Self belief, self love all starts from yourself.
Lean into it.
Celebrate yourself.
Own and accept who you are.
You are loved, worthy and deserving of goodness and love no matter what.
Not based on your achievements, not based on past experiences or mistakes.
Start doing the work today.
Or if you want to DIY, you can start here.
****
Just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for reading my newsletter for another year.
I haven’t been as consistent this year but I promise you I will never give up writing these letters.
Because consistency beats intensity.
Progress beats perfection.
Merry Christmas my friends, and I wish each and everyone one of you, love, joy, passion and health for 2025.
Thank you again for being here and wishing you a happy, restful holiday with your loved ones x
Love,
Your millennial therapist | Eunice Cheung
That’s it for this newsletter.
*****
✨ Additional Resources For You: ✨
🌍 If you're ready to dismantle cultural barriers in our communication, to deepen our relationships, I'm here to help you.
🌍Want to book Eunice for your next corporate workshops, enquire here.
🌍Not ready for therapy yet? If you are ready to be challenged and want to rewire your limiting beliefs, get started with Attack The Roots Of Your Patterns here
🌍Follow our Podcast Eunice.Co on spotify here
🌍Follow us on insta here.