#57 Truths I learnt in September
The secret to self love & the power of reframes.
Dont get so caught up in knowledge acquisition, get into knowledge application. Apply the knowledge you learnt and experiment with them. Action is what gives you momentum and disproves all your fears & anxious thoughts.
“Don’t get stuck in tutorial hell” - Dan Koe
Own your choices, own who you are, be unapologetically you, that’s what gives you power. The secret to self love is accepting yourself, the good and the bad and not letting anyone sway you from what you want for yourself. When you accept your flaws and reframe it as “I’m a work in progress”, people “lose” its leverage on you, because you’ve already accepted it.
Sometimes, “opting for silence is a form of self respect, silent departures is a testament to self respect”. Especially when you recognize a situation in a relationship that drains and disrespects you, your time and energy.
Sometimes people and lessons find a way back to you after you’ve healed, don’t be afraid. Because that is a test of your growth. How you respond and your ability to step back from the situation to evaluate whether how you want to respond is the key here.
Sometimes, it’s best to respond with silence, because they no longer deserve your response and time.
Sometimes, it’s best to communicate better to reiterate your point and make your intentions clear so you can understand each other more.
Sometimes, it’s best to walk away because you deserve better.
Sometimes, it’s best to stand up for yourself & speak up for yourself.
It all depends on the context you are in.
Everything is context dependent.
The outcome isn’t always the key, the key is you’re content with how you approached the situation and how you live by your values and how you stay true to who you are (Don’t let anyone compromise on who you are).
That’s how you know you are working towards a better you.
Remove yourself from situations & people that don’t honor your worth is a powerful precedent you set to people, so they know you have a line and you’re not afraid to draw it when people crosses it. That’s self respect & self love in a nutshell.
Every conflict, issue, miscommunication, all comes down to us, ultimately, wanting to feel loved, safe and secure. It’s a basic human need, when deprived of it, we lash out, act out in ways that do not reflect who we are, if we were loved right.
Think of one of the greatest villains in the fictional world, Lord Voldemort in the magical world of Harry Potter, the lack of love, safety and security is what drove his thirst for power, to control, to be feared, to be hated.
It doesn’t excuse his behavior but it helps put things to perspective because it shows just how impactful our childhood and not being loved can make someone feel so incredibly alone that they turn to extreme measures to cope with the loneliness and despair of not being loved.
When you have conflict with your family, parents, remember they are also human. They also share moments of vulnerability, and also want to be seen and heard like us. Seeing my parents as humans and not putting them on a pedestal is what helped us connect better and have stronger communication, which changed our relationship for the better.
“Love is not a tool for manipulation, it is an invitation for presence & acceptance.” Many cultures try to glamorize control as love, but, it’s not. It’s a strategy to reducing fear and uncertainty. A strategy to feel in control of people and situations.
People let fear & uncertainty hold them hostage more than anything. The sooner you accept to embrace it and live with it, they better off you will be in approaching life.
There are times when I default to wanting to control things, people around me, and it’s at those moments I need to remind myself, am I doing this to control or is this coming from love? This helps me become aware of whether I’m trying to force things to be a certain way as opposed to letting it play out.
One of the greatest quotes I came across when I was at a crossroad with accepting life for what it is vs wishing it to be a certain way, it changed my perspective:
“Learn to flow with life’s changes, don’t be at war with it, be at peace with it”. Dan Koe
“Control what you can, Confront what you can’t and always remember how lucky you are to have yourself.” - Unlost, by the Maine
Our relationship with ourselves is the most important one, because it sets precedent to others on how they should treat us, they gather that by seeing how we treat ourselves. Remember, we only have one mind, one body, treat it like the dedicate valuable vessel that it is.
Learn to embrace the power of being alone, enjoying your own company and taking yourself out to enjoy experiences, don’t get so caught up on waiting for others and most importantly, don’t talk yourself out of doing things for YOU.
I went to a concert alone 2 weeks ago and I was initially afraid but my favorite band started singing, I enjoyed every moment of it. Don’t wait, go and seek out experiences of you own. You will be a stronger you and you will learn to love your own company. You will love that you took the risk to enjoy your own company. I did :)
“Less is more”- said by my boxing coach Sam, it’s a simple statement, but makes so much sense to me in boxing and in life.
In the boxing ring, the more I do, the more energy I exert and the more stamina I lose. To work smart, I can learn to move less but strategically, so I can defend and attack, instead of depleting myself.
Most of the time I do a lot of things that is unnecessary or wastes time and effort when I can do a different thing that achieves the same outcome with less time & effort. This philosophy teaches and continues to remind me to work smart, not work hard.
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Hope you enjoyed this newsletter. It is a different format compared to the other letters. Let me know if you enjoyed this and I might do one of these newsletters once every month.
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Additional Resources For You:
Listen to my latest podcast episode of Eunice.Co on Spotify - I called my brother out Here.
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